1. Public Affair by Jessica Simpson - I am most ashamed of this choice, I truly am
2. Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado
3. Sexy Back by Justin Timberland
4. Buttons by the Pussycat Dolls
5. London Bridge by Fergie

(Honestly, my former grunge self would beat the crap out of my current not-so-grunge self over this.)

5 Items that I Need from Target, but am unsure if I will go back there after my recent experience

1. Veronica Mars, Season 2 DVD
2. Arrested Development, Season 3 DVD
3. Paper products, such as toilet paper, paper towels, Kleenex
4. Brita pitcher
5. Socks

5 Upcoming Events that Make Me

1. Husker football vs Louisiana Tech on Saturday - It may even be on television down here. Fingers crossed.
2. MTV's VMAs tonight - I am pathetic. I know it.
3. Pre-Birthday Celebration on Monday night.
4. Grocery shopping at some point this weekend.
5. Return of nip/tuck on Tuesday. No more carver!

Current Mood: Cool...nice breeze outside and it's not ungodly hot yet.

Currently Listening to: Two Trains by Little Feat

Current Step Count: 1945...not the best, but I shall make up for it soon

(Just replace Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder)'s head with mine.)

To sum yesterday up with non-detailed bullets, it would be something like this:

• Got to work.
• Wrote a quasi-depressing blog entry. (Sorry about that, by the way.)
• Began work.
• Had random run-in at 11:00 AM-ish that sent the rest of my day into a spiral. (I honestly don't know how to describe this situation...it was just weird.)
• Ate fried chicken and mashed potatoes for lunch in a desparate effort to find comfort.
• Had a few more random run-ins with people during the afternoon.
• Scavenged G8RFett's office for Lil Debbie snack cakes.
• Played spider solitaire on my computer until T picked me up at the end of the work day.
• Ate yummy sushi with T.
• Returned to casa de Me.
• Spent a majority of the night in the restroom. (Weirdness of the day = weirdness of my stomach = no sleep.)

Basically, my day ended with the feeling that I had been kicked in the stomach. Repeatedly. And the person was wearing steel toed Docs.

To sum yesterday up with one word, it would be the following:

Surreal.

(And we've come full circle.)

I kinda predicted that yesterday would be kinda yuck. And I like to live up to my predictions. I guess.

Beyond the surreal-ity (to coin a phrase based off of VH1) of the past two days, there have been some good highlights:

• Finished Project #2 of the cross-stitching tour 2006.
• Began Project #3. Now I need to figure out who I will be giving these projects to. Hmmm...
• As previously mentioned, I ate yummy sushi with T. Very yummy sushi. Who would've ever thought that I would become enamoured with semi-raw fish product? Perplexing, I know.
• Enjoyed the season finale of Rescue Me. I love/hate the fact that they ended it with a cliff-hanger.
• Bathed the Jumpin' Husker Ferrets. Trust me. They needed it.
• Eaten lunches with my favorite co-workers. Two days in a row.

Overall, even though it's been a long week, I'm not complaining (I may be whimpering at times) too much. Especially due to the fact that Project Runway is on tonight. (Did anyone else see Tim Gunn on the pre-Emmy show on NBC? Wasn't he precious as he described which actor/actress made it work or not?)

Well, time to get to business. I guess.

Current Mood: Tired

Currently Listening to: Stand Back by Stevie Nicks - I  me some Stevie Nicks.

Countdown to my birthday: 135 hours, 40 minutes

• Woke up on Amtrak's futon. Amy and KD were also in the apartment.
• Ate a lot of Gushers fruit snacks and Kelloggs chocolate granola-type bars.
• Used my cell phone for the last time for about a month. (I didn't know this at that time.)
• Watched a lot of CNN and the Weather Channel.
• Witnessed Amtrak watching the real weather a lot.
• Prayed for the first time in about a year.
• Held my breath. Pinched myself. Tried to wake up from a horrible dream.
• Felt helpless.

A lot more happened a year ago today, but I really don't feel like reliving a lot of it. I have done an excellent job of repressing most of the emotions from that day. I have a feeling a lot of them will re-emerge today. Television is full of images while the country remembers today's anniversary. Newspapers have front page stories. People have a somber look on their faces. It is inevitable that today will be a long day.

On the bus this morning, two students started crying as they talked about what they were doing a year ago. Both of them felt guilty for celebrating a day off from classes, as their homes were being destroyed in parishes not too far away. I tried my best not to eavesdrop, as did the other 30+ people on the bus, but you could tell that it made all of us uncomfortable. For many of us are also feeling the same guilt over how we spent that day. And the days following.

Many of my friends volunteered their time and energy to help people cope with the aftermath of the events that occurred a year ago. Within days, they were walking zombies with stories so horrific that it was hard to listen or be around them at times. For the first time in my life, disaster was real.

The worst part of it all, I couldn't even call my family or friends back home due to the previously mentioned cell phone blockage. This blog became my communication tool with South Dakota, Nebraska, Colorado, Iowa, Indiana and elsewhere. It made the experience even more surreal for me. It made me feel even more alone.

Not everything that occurred a year ago today was depressing. I witnessed courage at a level that I did not believe possible. I saw people that were typically too busy to take time for lunch volunteer hour after hour of their time to sort clothes, deliver meals or offer comfort to people in need. I watched as a generation realized that this was their defining moment, their tipping point and became a lot more than just millennials. I discovered how strong my friends were. I rediscovered why I am in the job I am in.

I have learned a lot about humanity over the past 12 months. I have learned a lot about crisis. Overall, the best lesson I have learned since August 29, 2005, is who I want to be. I have taken many steps in the right direction to becoming that person. I have fallen a few times. Missed a step more often than not. Yet, I have a goal in my sight. And the hope that it will be achieved sometime before I'm 30. (I have exactly 53 weeks to achieve that goal.)

Current Mood: Somber, and a bit sappy...sorry

Currently Listening to: My air conditioner...not in the musical mood yet.

• Alarm sounds at 5:30 AM.
• Alarm is silenced at 5:31 AM.
• Crawl from bed to couch to watch something silly, typically Nickelodeon, before truly waking up for the day.
• Think "Oh, shoot!" at 6:10 AM, when I realize that I fell asleep on the couch again.
• Shower.
• Get dressed.
• Check the Jumpin' Husker Ferrets water, food and litter situations.
• Debate whether I should make lunch or not.
• Decide to not make lunch. Heck! I can walk somewhere for lunch, afterall.
• At 6:51 AM, walk out my front door towards the main road to wait for the bus.
• Wait for the bus.
• Wait for the bus.
• Get on the bus.
• Arrive on campus.
• Walk across campus to my office.
• Check my mailbox in the main office building.
• Go to my office.
• Check e-mail, voicemail and random blogs and websites.
• Debate whether I want Starbucks.
• Think about Starbucks.
• Respond to e-mails.
• Update my blog.
• Begin working around 8:00 AM.
• Daydream about Starbucks.
• Eventually give up the fight and walk across the street to Starbucks.
• Promise myself I will give up this habit. Soon. I mean it this time.
• Walk back to my office.
• Start thinking about lunch as I work.
• Around 11:30 AM, find someone to go to lunch with.
• Get back from lunch.
• Check out a few websites.
• Work.
• Start thinking about what groceries I need.
• Debate the meaning of life.
• At 4:29 PM, start walking across campus to the bus stop.
• Wait for the bus.
• Wait for the bus.
• Get on the bus.
• Depart the bus at my apartment complex.
• Stop by Circle K to grab a pop or something salty.
• Walk to my apartment.
• Change into comfy clothes.
• Clean the ferret cage.
• Make supper.
• Watch tv/read/cross stitch.
• Fall asleep around 10:30 PM.
• Rather.
• Rinse.
• Repeat.

Tear. I am so predictable, it's insane. And comforting. And depressing. And weird. And so grown-up feeling that it makes me hyperventilate.

Oh, well.

According to my typical day timeline, I should be walking across the street soon.

How Pavolvian of me...

Current Mood: Thirsty

Currently Listening to: Always Love by Nada Surf

Random Thought: Why am I attracted to awards shows when I envy those who win?

I have once again been tagged by someone to do one of these fun list-like things.

I liked the concept of this one, thus here are "10 things that represent me or my life:"

1.  Rocking chair - I own a wooden rocking chair. It's in my bedroom. It's the same rocking chair that my mother owned. She used to rock with me in it when I was little. It is the cause of my one and only broken bone incident. I slid out of my mom's arms while she was drying me off after a bath when I was 3. Broke my collar bone. I hold no ill will. Anymore. It represents me in the fact that it's my past, present and future. I grew up with that chair, it has followed me on most of my moves. It sits in preparation for someone to rock in it. Hopefully, someday I will have someone to rock in it with. Then continue to pass it on to the next generation of red heads. Whoever they may belong to.

2.  Lil' Red - Two meanings to this item. 1. I have been referred to as "Lil' Red" for most of my life. 2. It's the scary UNL Husker mascot, that I've grown to appreciate.

My mother has red hair, I have red hair. Thus, my dad coined me Lil' Red as a child. It has continued to be a nickname for me. Although I am quite a bit taller than my mom now. I have been for years. I am okay with this nickname.

I have a Lil' Red doll on my desk that was sent to me in a care package from my friends at UNL during one of my first years here. It reminds me of Husker football games, grad school and freaking out about his missing head...long story. It basically represents a very happy time in my life. A very happy time. And very happy people. That are very much missed.

3.  Barnes & Noble - anyone who has read this blog knows that my mom works at a B&N. She has for a long time. So, it represents family to me. Beyond that meaning, it also represents one of the huge passions of my life: BOOKS. I  to read. (Hence the long list of books read in 2006, which needs to be added to soon...very soon.) My parents have stories of me as a young child grabbing a book and demanding that they read to me. I would read non-stop growing up. Staying up late to finish Sweet Valley High books. Then Stephen King novels. Then romances. Now Harry Potter and beyond. It has always been my dream to become an author of a book. First, I have to stop reading everyone else's work and start writing my own.

4.  Pink tie-dyed socks - Best conversation starters that I've ever had. People either love them or hate them. But they always comment on them. I try to buck conformity by wearing socks that don't match my outfits. It's a small thing that I do. But, it helps break the day-to-day grind. Today's socks: charcoal with purple and green turtles.

5.  Floss - not dental floss, but embroidery floss. I am a cross-stitcher. As such, I always have a lot of floss around me at home. All neatly organized by number. On a separate spool. In a plastic box. I am so nerdy. My mother taught me to cross-stitch when she did Creative Circle parties when I was young. I have continued the hobby for years. Through all kinds of weather I've stitched. In 3 states, I have stitched. It is another stress reliever. It is my creative outlet. It is an easy holiday gift.

6.  Kermit the Frog - Jim Henson was a god. Such creativity. Such personality. Such happiness. I try to own most everything he's done on DVD. I have a bunch of Kermit figurines. I wish I was 1/10,000 as brilliant as Jim Henson. He is a goal for my life.

7.  About a Girl by Nirvana - one of my favorite songs by my favorite band. It truly speaks about what I want/need/am.

I need an easy friend
I do with an ear to lend
I do think you fit this shoe
I do won't you have a clue

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free

I'm standing in your line
I do hope you have the time
I do pick a number too
I do keep a date with you

9.  Wheelbarrow - represents my work ethic. Growing up on a farm, I had to use a wheelbarrow a lot. Hauling rock. Hauling wood. Hauling siblings. It seemed like I was always hauling something. I fell down often. (Not too shocking. I am a klutz.) Yet, I always got up again. Dusted myself off and continued on the path to getting the job done. I learned that hard work = satisfaction at the end of the day. I hope that I never forget that. I don't think I have as of yet.

10. Warm Vanilla Sugar Body Lotion - from Bath & Body Works. It has been a part of my signature scent for years. I mix it with other scents often, but it's usually there. (Today it's mixed with Toasted Coconut.) I like that it smells like cookies and summertime, while reminding me to chill out. In my vast knowledge of aromatherapy, vanilla is a calming agent. It calms me. Thus reminding me that there is more to life than that exact moment. Event. Thought. To ground myself. Be comfortable.

It also represents what I want others to think of me. That I am someone to confide in. To be comfortable with. To learn from.

I  Target! It is one of my favorite stores to shop at, to browse through, to refer people to. Yet, last night's Target shopping experience was one that will most likely lead to an unhappy e-mail to the corporate offices. Here is the gist of the experience:

• T and I enjoyed a delightful dinner at The Olive Garden (located a mere parking lot away from Target).
• We decided to go to Target so that I could pick up the following: Veronica Mars: Season 2 DVD, umbrella, milk and water.
• They were out of Veronica Mars: Season 2 DVDs. While I was disappointed, I was also happy that people are buying it...hopefully the CW will keep it on the air for more than 13 episodes if this is happening everywhere.
• Picked up the little coupon by the DVDs, so that I could get a raincheck for the DVD.
• Got the remaining items on my list, plus only one other thing. I was very proud of myself.
• Went to the checkout area. Got in a fast moving line.
• Total sale was less than $25, which is WOW for me. I typically spend more than that.
• Wrote a check for the amount and handed it to the cashier.
• Machine eats the check.
• Manager comes over and rudely asks me if I can write another check.
• I oblige.
• Machine won't take the check.
• Manager continues to growl at me as if I had personally built the machine or had placed a voodoo curse on my check.
• Manager closes down the lane, since I was so incompetent to still use checks.
• Manager glares at me some more.
• T purchases her items in another lane and returns to my lane.
• T offers to put my purchase on her card. I'll just write her a check. (Her machine won't eat the check, I'm sure.)
• Manager growls at T that it's too late. Apparently, we're now both bad humans for trying to problem solve instead of just hitting a button and growling at other people.
• Manager finally moves to another lane. Enters the items again. T pays for items.
• I reclaim my 2 mangled checks from the angry manager.
• I pick up my bags while the manager says have a good day. She could be a great actress alongside Keanu Reeves. No feeling. No talent at faking/acting. I feel sorry for her family. I am sure she will eat her young someday.
• As T and I leave the store, we pick up a comment card.
• I will be sending my unhappy experience with Target today.
• The best part of this story was...neither the cashier nor the manager scanned in my little piece of paper for the Veronica Mars: Season 2 DVD. Guess I'll have to go to Best Buy or Wal-Mart. At least they treat customers as human beings there. (Yup, I've been treated better at Wal-Mart than at Target. Another sign of the apocolypse.)

T did entertain me on the ride home from Target by changing words to songs about how much of a firecrotch the manager was.

Other than the horrible experience at Target, I had a great day overall.

The buildings opened on campus without too much controversy.

Lots of rain and lightning and thunder in the afternoon.  Lots of it...parking lots flooded, car alarms sounded, it was surreal.

Dinner at The Olive Garden was delightful.

Cross-stitching soothed me as I watched The Office back-to-back-to-back-to... on NBC.

It was a great day...for the most part.

Well, I should get to work now. Or I should possibly send an unhappy customer e-mail to Target. We shall see what I do.

We shall see.

Current Step Count: 2499

Current Mood: Slightly perturbed at Target and my printer

Currently Listening to: DOA by The Foo Fighters

• Checked my e-mail
• Walked the entire campus
• Eaten lunch
• Schmoozed with the Chancellor
• Drank 2 bottles of water
• Schmoozed with residents
• Gotten very tired

Very, very bad day to forget my podometer. I have a lot of steps not being counted.

Well, back to the madness.

Plans for tonight: Dinner & shopping with T.

Current Mood: Hyperly exhausted

Currently Listening to: Thunder and Cry Baby by Janis Joplin

1. Foamy the Squirrel - Hilarious. Finally a squirrel that I'm not afraid of. Try to find the Hurricane Katrina footage from last year. Probably the best coverage the storm had. Seriously.
2. Best Week Ever - Great tv show, even better blog. Today's blog includes a link to see Hulk Hogan in a thong. And Matt Lauer on a beach. Contents may be hard to view, but they're funny.
3. Butterfinger Crisps - Yup, the local candy distributor has filled the candy machine again...and has brought Butterfinger Crisps. No good shall come from this.
4. Veronica Mars on DVD - Today's the day. Not sure if I'll get to Target or Best Buy to pick up my copy or not. Busy day ahead.
5. Nirvana - I haven't given them a shout out for awhile, so I thought I would. Currently finding Lithium on my Media Player.

Another random night in my life's story. Shocking. I know.

• Felt disappointment at the fact that there was not a huge rainstorm. There was a lot of rumbling in the sky as I caught the bus home. I was hoping for a gully-washer. Alas. Just a brief shower.
• Cleaned out the fridge. Found spores growing in some not-so-old cheese dip. Shed a tear at the loss of cheese dip.
• Backstitched a lot. Halfway done with the finishing touches. Should be on Project #2 by the time I'm watching Project Runway tomorrow.
• Talked with MoSus. She had a rough day. She needs a hug. Or a trip to Skinners. Mmm...Skinners.
• Caught up on another episode of How I Met Your Mother. I rather like that show. Even if it did bring Doogie back into the acting world. I really wish they would end the show with him updating his blog or something...throwing it back to the days of yore. (I know he's not the main character, but that would totally make me giggle. Totally.)
• Texted a few folks. Nothing earth shattering. Just did.
• Contemplated starting one of the new books I purchased from Barnes & Noble last week. Two hardcovers for less than $12. Got to  the bargain walls and university discounts. They equal happy.
• Crashed early. Felt like the right thing to do.
• Woke up early. Felt like the right thing to do.
• Decided to wear pants to work for the first time in over a week. It's been too hot for pants. (For the record, they are one of the two new pairs that I obtained at Lane Bryant 2 weeks ago when there was the mega 40% off your purchase sale going on. I'm also wearing a new top.)
• Caught the bus to campus.
• Walked across campus.
• Opened the office.
• Began typing this entry.

Well, I should begin work now that it is the witching hour.

Total Step Count for 8/21/06: 7296

Current Step Count: 2303

Current Mood: 4% better than yesterday

Currently Listening to: Dani California by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

• Tonda & family welcomed a baby boy on Monday
• Tiffany & Ike welcomed a baby boy and girl last week
• Mary delivered her baby girl a couple of weeks ago

Congratulations to everyone!

Now, the countdown can begin for Rachel, Kara, Becky and Beth. (I told you, there are a lot of babies falling from the skies as of late.)

Other highlights from the past few days are as follows:

• Not looking like a drowned rat after walking to work 3 days in a row.
• Celebrating Chris' last day at work yesterday via AIM and Spring PCS. (He begins his trek West tomorrow.)
• Finishing my laundry. Finally. Now the piles begin again.
• Completing 4 hours of presenting. My feet hurt. My voice is weak. But I'm done for another month. At least.
• Recognizing at least 5 student staff members. That's pretty good for me. Honestly. I am not good with name/face recognition anymore. Or any less.
• Sleeping a lot. It does a body good.

Well, I should get to work here. Gots bills to pay. And e-mails to send.

Current Step Count: 3892

Current Mood: Bouncy

Currently Listening to: Peaceful Easy Feeling by the Eagles - in oldies mode this morning